Kink Toy: The Best BDSM Gear For Bondage And Spanking

According to Bondage Blog, there is a penalty when she forgets that Wednesday night is date night, and it involves not only the spreader bar but also her pretty jeweled butt plug:

What’s it like when you are the least-loved sister with the prettiest butt and your family runs a kinky BDSM furniture sales outlet? You always end up in the pillory getting the caning demonstration, that’s what it’s like:

Artwork is by Richard Stanton, and there’s more here.

According to ErosBlog, in the fancier sex toy boutiques on the orbital station above the mining colonies of Cylon IV, “display model” has become an actual job description for several different biospecies and no few autonomous gynoids:

Anybody with a love of science fiction has probably spent more than a few warm moments imagining the intimate details of interspecies lust. If every alien abductee gets a “welcome to our spaceship” anal probing, you’ve got to wonder why, right? And the answer, of course, is that aliens are every bit as horny as we are. They never meet a new sapient species without wanting to conduct a sexual audition as the first order of business!

That’s why I have no doubt whatsoever that, from the perspective of intergalactic horndogs, there is only one important question about us oversexed porn-broadcasting orgasm-obsessed freaky humans. And that question is “Do they have any juicy holes into which we can fit our urgent thrusting sex organs?” They want to know how fuckable we are, for sure. That’s why every new flying saucer to hit Earth atmosphere sends down the tractor beam to sweep up some more hapless humans for “important medical testing.”

In all of this, however, the aliens have the advantage of us. They can capture us, and pretty quickly find out that humans are very flexible and accommodating in our organs of generation, elimination, and ingestion. Tentacles, dicks, or ovipositors, it doesn’t matter: there’s a hole in every human captive where our galactic sex lords can make it fit. And what’s more, at least seventy-five percent of the abductees end up having orgasms right there in the medical exploration bay. Humans are flexible, curious, enthusiastic, and kinky! That’s why the saucers have been flocking for almost a century now.

Unfortunately, we mostly haven’t managed to turn the tables on them yet. We’re not abducting slithery sex princesses from their planets, at least not yet. There are no human space pirates out there ravaging pretty rich alien babes captured between the stars on fat interstellar cruise ships. And we don’t have any chained alien prettyboys for our more demanding earthling dominatrixes to play with, either. All of that means we’re left to wonder, imagine, and fantasize about alien cocks.

Fortunately, we also have the means to realize those alien dick-fantasies in tangible form. We may not have any actual alien cock to play with, but the artisans at Alien Dildo have done an excellent job of rendering our most lurid fantasies in solid silicone. With these toys, you can readily conduct your own probings!

With sex toys like these, the aliens don’t have a chance. Can you imagine the consternation of the alien who plunges his scaly shaft deep inside his first Earthling abductee, only to be greeted with a sigh of disappointment? “That’s nice, but I thought it would be thicker and longer, like the ones from AlienDildo.com…”

Here’s a Youtube video of a woman named Donna getting talked into touching a bug zapper paddle. She squeals very nicely!

Photo by D-girl, found on the Humbler Tumblr.

Bald slave kept on his knees by The Humbler, awesome.

He says just three words to her. “Put. These. On.”

Nipple clamps photo via Kinky Delight.

Femdom Resource has come up with a dramatic picture you’ll want to go see of a man being kicked in the balls while he’s wearing The Humbler. An enthusiastic blonde helps hold him in position…

In which ErosBlog posts porn of a teased/forced orgasm scenario involving a dude and a Magic Wand vibrator:

Uhm, about that particular cruel thing close-up, with the Hitachi-style vibrator right on the tip of his penis? When I see porn where that’s being done to a woman’s clitoris, I’m of course totally cool with it, though I’m not immune to that little bit of sympathy most of us have for a willing submissive in an intense scene. But hey, guess what? When I see much the same thing being done to the sensitive head of a penis, I get a visceral sympathy reaction of the sort men get when other men are kicked in the balls: I want to cup myself protectively and cringe and tell myself reassuring stories about how that’s never going to happen to me.

LOL. Just, LOL.

This ancient Spanking Blog post features two different zapper paddle spanking scenes, one maledom and one femdom. Here’s a picture from one of them:

The post ends with “Somewhere, Thomas Edison is smiling in his grave.” That made me smile, too.

ErosBlog found an amazing Tumblr pic of The Humbler being used to keep a man in a painful squat:

So you’ve probably all seen (online, anyway) the Humbler bondage device that locks a man’s balls back behind his legs when he’s in a bent-over position, and thus tends to keep him bent over until released, while exposing his stretched scrotum for particular attention.

However it wasn’t until I saw this photo on Tumblr that I realized that it could also be used to enforce a squatting position, by locking his balls in front of his ankles.

I suspect that position is not terribly stable, and he can probably re-arrange himself a number of ways. But when the slightest motion is going to tug roughly on the already-strained family jewels, the incentive is probably to stay as docilely still as possible…

A reader spotted and sent along this a brief mention of a zapper paddle in Penthouse Variations magazine, in a letter from Ms. Diana A:

The other day, he surprised me with a kind of spanking toy I didn’t even know existed: an electric zapper paddle. It’s actually a fly swatter, but Corey found it had a much more entertaining use. It wasn’t a toy you could hit someone particularly hard with, but Corey didn’t need to, because the little zing it delivered to my skin set me off!

Here’s Dominatrix Annabelle playing with her humbler and showing it to the slave she’s about to humble with it:

Sissy Wannabe writes:

I found a humbler online and bought it yesterday. As soon as I put it on I quickly realized it is not something I would do for “fun”. I can’t help imagining turning myself over to a woman (or even another man) and having them clamp the humbler to my balls. They would clearly have complete control over me. I would do anything. Sometime this week I will wear it as I do some cleaning or ironing. It will be very difficult (and painful) as I can’t stand up straight.

UPDATE – I wore it ironing for over an hour. My balls ached. I would have promised and done anything for my dominant to remove it.

Here’s a really nice web roundup with a lot of different stories and info tidbits about playing with a zapper paddle:

Playing with Electric Fly Swatters / Electric Paddles

This is a key bit that will help people avoid disappointment caused by accidentally buying the newer protected-grid style that are mostly what you find in stores, that are hard on bugs but not so much on bottoms:

“It’s important to remember that there are two kinds of these units…the OLD ones (fun and evil); and the NEW ones (safe and boring.) Basically…if they have “layers” (separated by a plastic thingy in the center)…you won’t have a lot of “fun” with them

She put him in The Humbler and took him to an S&M doggie party:

Ballgagged, I knelt on the floor when we got there, and Mistress held my balls out behind me, fastening the two halves together so that my balls went through the hole in the humbler. The board curved gently around the contours of my ass, horizontal to the ground. By keeping my balls stretched out behind me, it prevented me from standing or even from straightening my legs. Only short shuffles on my hands and knees were possible. And my balls were nicely presented to the riding crop she kept with her.

In this fashion I was introduced to various Doms and Subs, as Mistress talked shop, and I tried not to drool. I politely humped the legs of various mistresses, and was made to smell the asses of other Owners’ female pets, exchanging furtive nose-pussy nuzzles for hot tongue on my distended nutsack.

From Tops And Bottoms.

Remember, boys: if you cheat on your wife, maybe you shouldn’t let her put The Humbler on you!

My wife ordering me to strip and get on my hands and knees was not something new in our relationship. It hadn’t happened for a long time, to be sure, and I couldn’t even remember the last time she had put on heels and lingerie for a session like she had today. I felt a real thrill and anticipated a fun, kinky, Saturday afternoon as I felt her pull sharply on my balls.

But instead of the familiar tug of rope or twine, as I expected, I felt my balls being pulled through a hole and then suddenly a squeeze around my scrotum. Then I heard the distinct click of a lock, and my sentence was served. Just like that, with a simple request and a $100 worth of wood around my balls, the dainty soccer mom had put me, the big bad man of the house under complete control. I didn’t know it yet, but I’d been investigated, tried, and convicted and had just been arrested.

I looked down between my legs to see what mischief she was up to and saw that I had been locked in a humbler. I’d seen pictures on the internet, but was genuinely surprised to see the wooden clamp around my scrotum with extensions behind my thighs. The device pulled my balls back and stretched between my thighs and any attempt to straighten my legs would make it pull even harder. My cock instantly got hard, though. I loved the rare times she just took control, and the surprise was a huge turn on!

When you’re busted, you’re busted. He doesn’t know it yet, but he’s totally busted. And his wife got the deluxe model Humbler with the electrodes, ohshit:

“I don’t want to hear your lame explanations!” I heard from behind me. Suddenly a wad of leather and metal landed in front of my face. “Put this on, now!”

It turned out to be ring gag, with quite a large ring in it. I was confused, and looked back up at her. I turned my head just in time to see her pushing a button on a remote control. Suddenly my scrotum and balls were on FIRE! This made me straighten my legs out instinctively and pull the humbler out painfully. Again I screamed and pulled my knees up to my chest. I looked back up at her with and saw her holding up a little box on a chain to show me.

“There’s some electrodes built into your new little toy. I think it works like one of those no-bark dog collars. Anyway, that was 1. See, there’s a 2 and a 3, as well. Either way, this is the last time I’m going to tell you something twice. Put. That. On.

From Harry And The Humbler.

When you’re in The Humbler, there’s not much you can do when the cane hits your balls. What a picture!

Look at those swollen balls about to be smacked hard. And once they’re smacked the poor slave will arch his back in pain. And when he arches his back, it’ll straighten, and when it straightens, it pushes his balls tighter only doubling the original blow from his Mistress. The perfect circle.

Rohosub writes about his caning punishment while wearing The Humbler:

When I came home from work on Thursday my wife told me I was in for a severe discipline session when the kids had gone to bed. WWhen the house finally was quiet she told me to go to the bathroom and undress. While I was brushing my teeth she came into the bathroom with our Humbler, her new canes and the camera. She usually uses the Humbler when caning me because it makes it almost impossible for me to move and every time she lands a hard stroke on my bum, my natural reaction is to try to straighten my body thus giving my own balls a hard painful yank…

There’s a picture, too.

A woman writes about her man’s experience of The Humbler:

Look closely at the photos below. That wooden device you see clinging to the back of Trip’s thighs is called the Humbler. For obvious reasons, it is designed to humble a man by securing his balls behind him, stretching them taut, while making it nearly impossible for the wearer to straighten his legs completely. Of course a boy will be tempted to try, but it’s not long before he bends back over again to alleviate the pressure.

I began by putting the Humbler onto Trip and locking it in place. I worked slowly, tightening, tightening. Then I put him in English replica prison manacles, so he could move about with limited freedom, and discover what effect the Humbler had over curious restless boys. He tried standing for a while, but that didn’t last. He tried lying down on the ground, but that became difficult. He began to fidget, constantly readjusting himself to find small moments of relief. It wasn’t long before he got on his knees to minimize the pulling and squeezing his own movements created…

From Humbler Now by firsttimer, another story about life in The Humbler:

She gave a evil little girlish giggle walking behind him looking at his big heavy manly balls trapped between the humbler. She liked him in this position. The very things that gave him his strength and power as a man were the very things that now held him helpless in front of his 110 pound wife Linda. He complied with her wishes whatever they were, and tonight it was him down on all fours in the living room with his balls stretched back through a humbler.

He tested the humblers grip on his testicles. It was useless. He crawled to the coffee table,trying to lift his upper body to standing, only to retreat back down in pain from his balls being stretched out. He realized he was rendered completely helpless by his own balls, so he quietly waited on all fours…

There’s quite a fan fiction for The Humbler over here at the Squeezed Nuts blog:

Sue was standing directly behind Avery. She reached forward between his legs, grabbed his balls and yanked them backwards. Avery howled in agony as Sue continued to pull them, and Ms Meeks slammed The Humbler together and latched it with Avery on one side of the Humbler and his balls on the other side.

The Humbler was stretched across the back of his thighs. His scrotum went through the hole. The hole had a recess on the back side and Avery’s balls fitted nicely in the recess, proudly on display and readily accessible. The pull on his balls was so severe that he brought his knees almost up to his chin. He immediately fell to his knees, with his forehead on the floor and his backside and balls up high.

He started to scream to be released but Sue grabbed his balls and told him to shut up or she would spank his balls. Immediate silence from Avery. Sue swatted his balls and told him to be humble. She swatted them a couple more times and Avery howled in agony and said “Sue, I’ll be humble!” She swatted his balls again and said “What’s with this Sue business, to you I am Ms Dale and don’t you forget it” as she delivered another swat. Avery started mumbling “Ms Dale, Ms Dale, Ms Dale” with his forehead on the floor and his naked balls and backside straight up in the air. It looked so ridiculous that all the women started laughing.

From ErosBlog, used with permission:

Are you sadly deficient in dungeon space? Does your bedroom lack thirty extra square feet in which to erect a permanent five-foot wooden bulwark that’s bolted down with iron strapping? Well, you’re in luck! Because these days, there’s a handy portable equivalent called The Humbler. It’s a bulwark in a box — just snap it around the balls and behind the thighs and you’re in business. Complete with bonus electrodes for (shudder) double bonus fun.

At this point I’d normally be talking about the miracle of technology and how great it is that everything gets smaller over time. Unfortunately I’m still distracted by the faint voice in my head that’s still screaming “Aaiieee, not the BALLS!”

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Or so says the domina Miss Fortunes, who tried out a zapper paddle brought in by her client:

So last week BondageBoy brought me a bug zapper that looks like a tiny tennis racket. I tried it out on myself: Holy shit Batman, that shit HURTS. No control over the frequency, it just hurts. So I decided to wrap BB in shrink wrap and wrapped his cock in athletic tape so just the top of the head of his dick was exposed…

From ErosBlog, used with permission:

I just don’t think about balls enough. I’ve seen The Humbler in femdom porn, but I don’t think I ever quite imagined someone doing this to the balls that might be caught in one. Evil!

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